On this 16th day of walking through piles of snow, I am a cauldron of mixed emotions. We are literally on the cusp of the big melt…..part of me looks forward to having my feet firmly planted on the ground, rather than sinking into the powdery accumulation….
…..or slipping on the beaten-down snow that has turned to solid ice…..the other part of me is not ready for it all to go away. There is so much more involved than just the desire to walk on solid ground. Accumulated snow hits all of my senses….in a good way. When I am inside, I love the coziness of the wood stove fire while taking in the beauty of the white against the greens and browns. When I am outside, it feels playful just to walk in the powder, and comical when I and those around me change our gate to that of a penguin when walking on ice.
Thinking of returning to green has gotten me thinking about the garden. The plans are to move the location, and make it much larger. Our plans don’t always seem to come to fruition though, so it will be interesting to see what actually happens. Somehow we get lost between the idea, and the action. Besides the fact that Tony and I both need to stay employed to make any of this possible, our plans are kind of loosely woven, and we lack the extra hands it takes to get some things done.
We tend to try to do things ourselves, and we are not connected with other homesteaders or farmers to barter with or benefit from their knowledge. The past several years, we have not been great with “community,” and that doesn’t work well when you relocate your life, and all of your prior resources from where you were born and lived for 48 years, are gone.
I didn’t intend for this writing to go this direction, but there are opportunities on the horizon and I don’t know if we can or will make them happen. I think I get stuck in the, “Why make plans if we’re not going to follow through” , or “Seriously, we’re not zoned for that?” kind of thinking. I get mad because the mind and spirit are willing, but the body continues to say…..”Mmmmmmm, maybe not.”…..
…..the heavy physical stuff hurts my hands and shoulders these days. Running this homestead, doing projects on this homestead are very physical in nature….if we can’t pay to help get it done, we have to do all the heavy lifting…..there is not enough time in the day. Sometimes I feel like the dreams I had are slipping away….one major dream, seemingly, already has….but never say never….right?
I’m sorry to go in this direction today. I am committed to being honest with you in my writing, which means it’s not always posies and roses up here on the hill. If I planted those they’d get eaten by the deer anyway so…..hahahaha!! I’m just in this transitional place wherein I need to decide if it is enough for me to just enjoy the environment and forget about trying to grow our homestead, and earning possibilities that it could bring.
That was not our plan when we bought it, we had a direction, we wanted the land to work for us….but plans, I have learned, are mostly just guidelines in life. There is so much you can’t see on the horizon….best to be fluid and not static. Maybe I’m short on vitamin D…LOL
In any respect, I / we have a lot to think about….what direction should we go in? If you will let me, I will include you all in the thoughts and “plans.” I’ve kind of mentioned all of this in the few months prior to now….it is laying heavy on my mind and heart, but I really feel that we have to narrow our focus and lose the diverse functions of this homestead….there just isn’t enough time in the day to continue on that road. But there was enough time yesterday to do this…….
……I hope he sticks around for a few more days!!! I hope you will stick with us as we “Redefine Our Lives in Oregon”…it’s a continual process.
Thank you for visiting today.
Your friend from Oregon,